I really didn’t like Sara very much. She was self-righteous, simple-minded, and stubborn. She was annoying and blind like my parents, and she regarded my naive rebellion with suspicion. I could not help but love Sara, however. She was strong, sure-footed, and determined.

Sara was heading toward her 70’s when I met her, retired military and proud of it. She was not elegant or fine, but she was a strutting, bossy, barnyard rooster nonetheless. Squatty and plain, Sara was thick in that way runty mutts become later in life, sneaking bits of cheese even though the Dr. had warned her. She had fat, ruddy cheeks with steely blue eyes glinting behind a ridiculous pomp of soft white curls. She told me she packed with pebbles when she was five. I had no doubt this old bull had fought in dark bars only perverts knew existed, and chased and charmed her share of women. Sara still dressed like James Dean, but she wore her pants a little too high to be cool.

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Queer Commentary, The Saga of Swagger, Highlights | 9 Comments »

My portrait of a breast cancer survivor was banned and removed from the spring show at the artist collective where my wife and I rent a studio. I was told there was a vote amongst several artists and the painting was deemed “not family friendly”. Of the many other nudes in the show, only my work was censored.

As you can see, this is not erotica. This is a literal figure study of an older woman who has had a mastectomy. I was holding that woman’s hand the day she was told she had cancer. This *is* a family disease, and our mothers, lovers, aunts and sisters are dying in an epidemic.

Why was this piece considered morally offensive? Because the model is not traditionally beautiful? Because reality is too harsh? Or are there implied subtexts to this piece simply because I am an obvious dyke?

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Fourteen and naive, I had a crush on a beautiful boy in my art class. His name was Kenny. He had huge brown eyes with lush lashes that brushed his cheek, and a wide smile. He also had unusually long nails for a boy. I was admiring them and said “You should paint those.” You know how a queen loves to shock. His cheeks went rose, his eyes lit up and he replied, “I do.” What a curious thing to say.

A girl named Linda also sat at our art table. She was the high school jock and all of the other girls would tell her that if she was a boy, she would be so fine. Everything about her was big. Tall. Big shoulders. A soft dark moustache above full lips. Dark curls. Big hands. Caramel wrapping. She had a crush on me and I didn’t know it. As I said, I was naïve. Once she asked to comb my spikey hair and I let her. My eyes were on Kenny, however. I hardly noticed her at all.
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Queer Commentary, The Saga of Swagger, Highlights | 8 Comments »

I love my Butch brothers. I really do. Few people in our lives have seen us as clearly as we see each other. That is why lone islands are sometimes shy with each other. That is why a gentle punch on the arm is almost too intimate and too wonderful to bear. Even when we are chuckling easily over Femmes, it is not posturing. The connection is in fact so real, simply standing together on a curb with my brothers makes my chest swell.

I love the gallant tin god in all of us. Some of my brothers try to git the girls by riding the edge of badassedness. Others insult the vulgarity of the badasses with a righteous swing of their cape… to impress those other girls. Then there are the Butches are peacemakers, out of heart, out of habit, and sometimes to get the girls. The shy contenders stand on the fringes hoping some sweet Femme will see the stud inside. I have a nod for the fat ones who stride with their chests high and mighty; thin ones who saunter with rounded shoulders to hide their breasts; the short ones who stand with such *gotdam* authority. I feel affinity for young ones with their arms jacked awkwardly at the hips, afraid someone might notice they haven’t found their center yet. The poets, the civic-minded, the quiet ones who only yell at football games. Those ardent hero lovers, sudden Romeos after being whacked to awareness by some seductive Femme. Brave charmers who plot the move, smoothing qualm into calm. There are some Butches who appear achingly tender because of the life they have led, but we all know they are sinewy and fierce for the same reason. Knights, all of them.

My favorite brothers? Those open Butches who don’t have the sense to damper their own earnest. Profoundly generous… with a love so sweet they seem almost out of place. Extravagant chivalry is built right in. Happily comes complete with corny grand gestures and batteries that rarely run down. A Butch who will faithfully help strangers simply because it is the right thing to do. Even though women are his weakness, you can ask this brother to guard your jewel. His scars still sting, but they are not stitched with his pride. Finding that boi is so special, I am guarded against any delicateness in my voice when we speak. Graying but still flapping like old dog ears out of a car window. The bright voice of that schoolboy will never break.

Queer Commentary, The Saga of Swagger, Highlights | 9 Comments »

Totally harshing my mellow…

I know gay men use the word “butch” and maybe less commonly the word “femme”. However, where I come from the specific term “Butch-Femme” isn’t used at all by gay men. If the term is used by gay men, I find it hard to believe it is used enough to make note of. Yet someone keeps changing Butch-Femme in Wikipedia to include “gay men” in every dayum sentence! There are several references and web sites listed for “Butch-Femme” as we are all familiar with it, and one reference for gay men — http://www.straightacting.com - a web site that seems to take a definite antifeminine stance and has nothing at all to do with Butch-Femme.

Anyone want to help me stay on this?

All you need to change info on Wikipedia is an account.

Queer Commentary | 2 Comments »

• On average on any given day, around 10,000 unique visitors hit Butch-Femme.com. Over 50% of the daily visitors are regulars (5000+!!! that’s alot of regular lurkers!!) who stay for an hour or more, but every day close to 5000 new, first-time visitors hit Butch-Femme.com and then quickly bounce off to other destinations on the internet.
• It’s crazy how they find us. Here are a few curious, random keywords people googled or yahoo-ed that somehow led them to B-F.com today:

• vegan scone recipe
• how to repair a vaccum hose with a pen
• somewhere in my youth and childhood, i must have done something good
• ftm jacked off
• androgel can cause neuropathies
• horny little girl daddy cock
• you were looking for an orchid

• The top countries of visitors are the US, Canada, UK. Australia, South Africa.
• The server has kicked out 1,161,561 pages this month.
• For some reason, the site is almost always the busiest on Wednesdays. Wonder why that is?

Queer Commentary | No Comments »