Even though we are different in so many ways– butch /femme, white/brown, artist/executive, agnostic/Catholic- I have always thought fundamentally Chris and I were magically cut from the same cloth, like a matching salt and pepper set. Chris has ALWAYS insisted that we are polar opposites. (See how we rarely agree?) As we have grown deeper into our adult selves over our 8 year relationship, I have come to accept the ways we contrast.
To me, the pinnacle of living is authentic feeling, full on experiences and the Technicolor memories of life’s adventures and tragedies. Chris exists with strategy and purpose. She is much more goal-oriented, rational and responsible. She can be wildly emotional (oh lord) but Christine really doesn’t operate from that place.
I know the Myers-Briggs personality categories are a widely accepted way of categorizing people, but what stake do you put in it?
On the Myers-Briggs scale, I’ll admit I was shocked and dismayed to discover Chris and I are in absolute conflict on every point! Where I am introverted, Chris is extraverted. I am sensing. Chris is intuitive. I am feeling. She is thinking. I am perceiving, but she is judging. I am the artist and Chris is the field marshal. That is obvious if you know us both at all, but it also explains a lot about why many our arguments are circular attempts at tearing apart intent and perception to simply understand one another. It can be frustrating, but we have always loved each other enough to keep trying.
Chris is a head person. I am a heart person. Ironically, she says she loves me because I am smart. And on the most base level, I love the girl because she has that rare gold heart. I appreciate that my wife is so grounded, and I know she loves that I am a poet at heart. She feels safe in my sentimentality, and I feel safe in her reliability. I can take her hand and bring her to a quiet, special place that is ours alone, and she shares with me all sort of complexities that exist somewhere beyond my awareness. It’s never boring. Ever.
Oh, I do love my grrl dearly. This marriage has turned me upside down and shook all my pockets out. I had to be willing to be the best person I could be to be worthy of her love. I think we make each other better people like that. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has ALWAYS been worth it.
I always think of the essence of our marriage as a tango, both a dance and a battle. It is a very deep, focused, complicated dance, and neither of us can misstep. Blood. Love. Power. Mystery. Beauty. Fire. Sweet, intoxicating submission that is always resurrected to battle again. As she teased me with that damned, sassy rose in her teeth, I met my worthy opponent… my match… my beloved Christine.
Love you, brat.
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